When you need me
by aspiring2b
Summary: Things can't always happen exactly as planned but if you love someone then there is always a chance.
1. Chapter 1

The night had been perfection, but the morning was filled with awkwardness and she could tell that even though Sam was trying Lexy knew that there was just too much guilt and pain swimming around Sam's head for them to start or build a relationship. Sam had broken, but she had started to accept and understand that it wasn't her fault. But for awhile Sam needed to be alone with just herself, to be able to cope and deal with the demons in her mind and not just block them out. Lexy held the older woman in her arms, then pulling her closer she kissed her cheek. Taking Sam's face in between her hands, she kissed her again, over and over kissing away the tears and ignoring her own, finally kissing the police woman on the lips. "I am in love with you, and that's why you need to be on your own, before we can be together. I'll always be here if you need me, you know that." Lexy's voice faltered, tears stopping her voice from coming out.

Sam hadn't said anything, she wanted to but the words wouldn't come out. Lexy put on her leather jacket, kissed Sam once more as she closed the door Sam crumbled to the floor leaning against the wall, as the latch clicked she whispered to the door " I love you".

Months past, Sam threw herself into work, ran harder than further before but she started to feel good, one step, one day at a time. When she wasn't working she volunteered at a local youth charity and started to learn about herself to change, relax and be at ease with her thoughts. The panic attacks stopped and she started to trust her gut her instincts but one thing didnt change, she still loved Lexy. She had let Lexy slip through her fingers and they had lost touch, originally Sam thought it was best that way but now she wasn't so sure.

It was undeniable no matter what she did, how hard she tried Lexy couldn't block out the fact that she still loved Sam and she always would. As much as she wished Sam had ran at the door, told her she loved her, told her to stop and stay she knew it was the right thing, it had to be done. She just wished that Sam hadn't disappeared from her life all together, missing the runs, the coffee shop laughter. It had to happen Sam needed time to recover. It had been hard going back home because Tess was so expectant and wanted more than just friendship. After a drunken night out Lexy had fallen for the comfort Tess had been so willing to offer her. It was a mistake, a mistake that she was still living. She couldn't stand to break Tess's heart and much as she hated to admit it she needed the comfort being with Tess offered. She still felt bad at how their relationship was, Tess was in love with her, wanted her but she couldn't offer more than a close friendship. Any time Tess tried to kiss her all she thought of was Sam. She tried to put it out of her mind but all she could offer was excuses, a headache, overtime shifts and tiredness. She had to break it off but she didnt want to hurt Tess.

"Lexy can we go out tonight?" Tess prodded Lexy who was paying attention to only the tv. "Lexy!"

"Sorry I was miles away, what did you say"

"You always are, tonight can we go out?" Lexy gave a small half smile, she really wasn't being fair to the young girl but she was always so desperate and overly caring. She adored Lexy.

The least Tess deserved was some proper attention, turning to the beautiful blonde, " I can't, I'm really sorry, I agreed to take the evening shift to help out a mate" Tess looked absolutely crushed. "I'm sorry"

"thought you hated Friday nights but don't worry it's fine." Tess stormed off, Lexy knew that the relationship really needed to end.

Calling out good bye to Tess, Lexy headed to work, she really did hate Friday nights but ending up getting drunk and taking things too far with Tess again that would be worse in the short run.

4 hours in to her shift Sam was sat in the car wondering how long it would take for the surveillance suspect to step out side, they needed nothing more than a handshake they could tie everything else to him.

Lexy was stitching a eyebrow cut on a young lad, he'd started way too soon in the uni drinking games but now he was obsessed he was in love with Lexy

" pipe down will you there are genuinely sick people here." He winked, said how quiet they could be. "Look buddy, you have an appendage more than I need, plus I have a girlfriend. Sorry" Lexy strutted off ready to grab her next patients chart.

"Where are those sirens coming from, call them off" Sam was panicking "get them off" An ambulance swung round the corner and stopped right outside blocking the view to the house, Sam looked at her partner in the car, neither knowing what to do. get out now and the lose their suspect, but they also have an obligation to help. waiting to see what was going on in the house eventually Sam snuck round the side of the car and across to the driver waiting in the ambulance, holding up her police badge she asked what was going on. "the wife fell down the stairs apparently but from the sounds of it its probably domestic abuse. "

A plan was forming in Sam's mind she knew how to save this "take the wife in, get the husband to follow in his car, then we' can arrive at the hospital and take it from there, why your alone with the wife try to find out what happened, try to get her to talk to me." Sam handed over her card just as the call for assistance in wheeling the woman out of the house came through. sneaking back to the car, Sam and Ryder were now both ready to watch him slip up.

The woman was rushed straight in to the resuscitation room she was in a bad way, Lexy came flying into the room and dived straight into treating the woman, Not realising that Sam was stood in the exact same position she had watched them work on Cat, all she could was watch through the double doors. As Sam stood her knuckles clenched tight into a fist as she attempted to control her breathing,. The Dr's worked hard and eventually the husband, there suspect was brought into the room. Lexy tried to explain to him what was going and that his wife was being moved to a private room. He was so worked up tho he coudnt answer he kept saying he had business to deal with and asking when she could leave. Getting stressed out at saying the same thing over and over again Lexy was relieved to be paged, hurriedly leaving she walked straight into Sam for the first time in months. Hi was all they could manage to exchange before Lexy was paged once again, running off Sam couldnt keep her eyes off the young Dr. Her heart for the first time in months feeling full revived.

Sam entered the room behind her partner, Mr Habid, we need to ask you a few question DS Ryder introduced both himself and Sam flashing his badge instantly the man became more angry and extremely agitated. "can we do this away from your wife please Sir:"

" I havent done anything wrong, you must leave now"

"just a few questions and then we can leave,' but the man was adimant he would not give them the time of day. Ryder stepped out to chase if any more evidence had been found and if there was enough to get a warrant, both him and Sam had watched as he'd let the ambulance leave with out a shred of concern but spent time carefully securing a package into the passenger side of his car.

Sam sat in the corner waiting for his return, Lexy came in the room announcing the she had a drip she needed to insert. "i'll wait outside" Sam smiled at Lexy, it was all she could do without running to her and holding her. Sam let the door shut behind her, she legally had no right to waiting around, Mr habid was under observation not arrest and they cant speak to him about his wife yet, she hoped Lexy would be ok in there. She felt a soft touch on her lower back, turning she locked eyes with Lexy and let out a sigh. she opened her arms and the young doctor slipped and fitted perfectly, being pulled in close to her. She could of stayed like that forever except she was vary aware that two eyes belonging to her suspect were watching. "There's so much I need to say to you lexy, when Ryder get's back or we get him into custody maybe we could go down and have a coffee?"

Lexy smiled, "that would make my night shift not that seeing you didn't do that anyway, I missed you. Are you here because of something else to do with him, you could easily arrest him for her abuse you will need her to tell you but those bruises are from his fists there is even hand and knuckle marks showing from her skin."

" I guessed as much, we were parked outside I just wish I had seen him hit her so i could have gone to stop it."

Lexy put her hand underneath Sam's chin, "no because then i would have been stitching you back together or maybe worse and I panic its you every time a cop is brought in or that I hear someone was treated when I was off shift I have to go check that its not you laying there in a bed. I couldn't bare it if it was you that was hurt" then with a kiss to Sams cheek she walked off towards xray.

Instantly feeling guilty Sam called after Lexy "I'm sorry."

"What have you got to be sorry about?" Ryder asked. Sam hadn't heard him creep up behind her.

"Nothing and everything." Sam turned her attention back to Ryder. "What have we got? Lexy said there are hand and fist prints showing up in the bruising so as long as we get her to make a report we easily have him for Gbh."

"That's good, we can add that to the charges, me and uniform just searched the car found a manifest, fire arm and enough money to pay for all the cargo he's had brought in. He was obviously going straight from here to the exchange." Ryder could see Sam's mind go in overdrive, she was coming up with a plan.

"Then we make him a offer, we put a team in place, give him the choice help us and we help him with a deal. We get everyone and information to who's running all this."

"Ok let's call it in then take the offer to him." Ryder was smiling, this was going to be a big night."

Sam and Ryder pushed into the private room, their suspect stood up ready to shout for them to leave but Sam interrupted and read him his rights, placing him under arrest for a string of charges. " we are willing to make you a deal. You carry on with your plans tonight, make the exchange we get everyone involved and you give us information that we need. In return you get an easier sentence and time."

Ryder laid out the terms of and applied some pressure to get what he wanted, and the sting was ready. As they left the hospital Sam was looking to see Lexy, she wanted to let her know that it was ok, she'd be back later to see her. Time ran out and she had to leave. All she could do was send a text and say see you later. The operation was set, there rat was wired and teams on all the exits. They watched as the trucks rolled into the garage. Habid handed over the cash, closely to the big guys in charge, to Sam it didnt look right, he leaned into them and whispered, Sam was ready to go, he was messing this up. They could end up with nothing, calming herself she radio'd go, operations go. Police ran trying to block the exits, men's ran all over the place. Shots were fired, but aimed at no one just adding to the chaos. Them Sam twigged, he'd used the money to buy a diversion so he could escape, she started running chasing round the corner flying over the banister to skip a small flight of stairs, she ran and ran just in time to see a car speed a away. Bent over getting her breath back shouting shit and the radio'd instructions. She ran back in trying to figure out where he was going, distracted she wasn't aware that she had ran into the apparent ring leader of the deal, he had the upper hand three blows from his fist and she crumbled waiting for the next blow barley able to breathe, the kicks came to her stomach. The blackness closed in but she pushed it away thinking about what Lexy had told her earlier, as the next kick came she grabbed and pulled his foot, unbalanced him, kicked his knee using his weight against him to know him to the ground. Scrambling up Sam slipped a handcuff round his wrist, just before he rolled to pull her away she snapped the other end on to metal bar. "Where's gone? Tell me"

All he did was smile. Sam twisted his wrist a little, where's he gone she asked again? "Don't know said something about a doctors appointment,"

"His gone to get his wife."

"No he said there was an Australian there took his eye" panic ran through Sams mind he was going for Lexy, he body was bruised and broken but she ran as fast and as hard as she could to the squad car, radioing for all available to attend the hospital. It felt like the longest drive in history, even with sirens and speeding to the limits of the car it felt like slow motion. As she was driving, she was calling Lexy constantly on the phone the young girl wasn't answering, Sam was stressing and she could feel a panic attack trying to take hold but if she gave into it Lexy would be hurt. Thinking of her night with Lexy calmed her thoughts, those simple words you can trust me, they meant everything to Sam so now she can't let her down.

Driving straight up to the entrance stopping only because she ran out of road, Pulling the keys out she ran into the foyer, of course there was no security and everyone else was still on their way, wiping away the blood falling down her cheeks Sam ran faster than she thought possible, up flights of stairs, everything pounding with a massive lack of oxygen it was just pure adrenaline carrying her through. The nurse on the ward desk Sam near enough screamed, where's Lexy?

"I don't know she's been gone a while, X-ray or cafeteria maybe?"

"Page her, she's not safe get her to go to security, find someone she knows and stayed there." Sam ran down to the abused woman's room, she needed some luck maybe he would be in there. Entering the room it was empty, to patient, no wife beater, no Lexy. Sam was heaving trying to get air back into her muscles, she pulled out her phone called Lexy again but still no answer, she called Ryder " rooms empty, I can't find her in time who close are you? I need help,please."

"10 minutes out Sam so many where injured i couldn't run off like you.."

" he's after Lexy the guy I chained said so, I can't let him hurt her." The conversation was taking too much time, as Sam passed the nurse on the desk, " one of the nurses saw her pushing the patient down to x-ray" Sam thanked her and asked the woman to contact security and police to meet her there. Running down the corridor pain was starting to slow her down, she was in so much pain but Lexy would make it ok, her Lexy, She needed to make it right between them. Slowing down as she got to X-ray same noticed that the lights were on in only one room, she pushed the door it was locked, moving round to the back office Sam slipped in quietly and got herself to a position so she could see through the panels on the door.

Lexy was in there, as was her patient, but across the room was her convict brandishing what looked like a blade. She had to get Lexy out of there, to save her and it wouldn't work if she wasnt in to room but thing had to remain calm or Lexy could be hurt. Pushing the door glad to find that it was locked Sam silently slipped in the room.

"Mr Habid, Sir this isn't making things any better for yourself but my concern are these woman's safety, put the blade down and just walk out of here, I won't stop you." She edged closer to Lexy.

"Stop moving, they'll be waiting I won't get away. Your investigation meant I had to silence my wife, you made me hit her, you took her away from me. I saw you and here together so I'm going to do the same to you."

Lexy looked alarmed but she was keeping it together she was more concerned at the condition Sam was in. " Sam are you ok?" Stop talking Habid called he demanded silence. Sam edged a little closer but stopped before she was noticed, as she was doing so the life support machines started to beep. Lexy ran to the dieing woman, checked the stats but was grabbed and interrupted by Habid, "save her or die,"

" I need help I can't do this here by myself she needs surgery." Habid pointed to Sam indicating she should help. "It won't make any difference she needs help that isn't here. " flat line came up on the screen they'd lost her but could still do something if the had the help they needed. "Sam go get the crash trolley round the corner"

"I can't leave you Lexy".

" you have to, Habid you come take over." Lexy did two rescue breaths, Sam ran out for the crash trolley it had been moved she couldn't find it let alone knew what she was looking for, round one more corner she went but there was nothing but emptiness. So she ran back to the room, as she opened the door the quietness hit her, the emptiness but then she heard a thud and a groan moving into the room she was met with the sit of Lexy fallen to the floor laying lifeless. Sam cleared the distance between her and the young woman scooping down to hold her in her arms, feeling her hands over Lexy's body, her fingers were covered in blood, applying pressure to the wound. Sam brushed Lexy's cheek, kissing her "come on baby, stay with me"

"I'm your baby am I?" Lexy managed a small smile. Sam kissed her again and leant her forehead against the woman's cheek, tears fell from Sam's eye.

"Yes, I love you Lexy, so hold on ok, I need you, I love you, don't leave." Sam held on tight, kissing Lexy and calling for help.

Lexy went still and her eyes closed.


	2. Open your eyes

Sam was holding on tightly to lexy's limp body, she needed to help her but she had no strength left. She wasnt used to giving up though so with the last of her energy she slipped her arms underneath Lexy and pushed herself up, the pain was horrendous but she had to ignore it, staggering forward onestep at a time Sam pushed herself harder than she had ever done before carrying the limp form of the woman she loved. Lexy's head lolled on to Sam's shoulder, the sweet smell of her shampoo seemed to give her renewed strength, calling for help as she turned the corner and finally found some hospital workers. The nurses rushed towards her, two doctors carefully lifted Lexy out of her arms, laying her on a trolley. Sam now redundant leant against a wall, slipping down the floor breathing heavy, as one of the nurses came to check on her everything went black.

The first thing she was aware of was the softness cushioning her head, it felt like a pillow had everything just been a bad dream? Too scared to open her eyes incase it had been true Sam just lay there listening, the sounds weren't familiar it was disorientating slowly opening her eyes, at first her vision was blurry then as she tried to sit herself up things became clear, she was laying in a hospital bed. Panic surged through her, Lexy, was she ok? where was she? Pulling the drip out of her hand Sam pushed herself out of bed, she felt dizzy but she didn't care, nothing mattered but Lexy. Her clothes were folded neatly on a chair, shakily walking over to them she attempted to get herself dressed. Leaning over to pull her trousers up, just as she began to blackout she felt hands supporting her. " what are you doing out of bed" the nurse asked

"I have to find Lexy, Dr Price, where is she?"

"She's ok, please your badly hurt and have a concussion you need to be in bed" She guided sam back to bed, the words she's ok instantly made her body relax. Sitting at the edge of the bed, Sam composed herself.

"please, I need to see her, Im ok and dont intend to leave the hospital I just need to see her."

The nurse refused to do anything until a Dr had given her the all clear.

Lexy felt a kiss being placed on her forehead and her hair being stroked, she wanted to open her eyes but the effort was too much, she let her dreams take her again knowing the she would soon open her eyes to Sam.

Tess sat back in the chair, as soon as the hospital had called she'd raced straight to the hospital, she couldn't believe what she had been told. How could somebody stab Lexy, how could sam have let it happen. They had taken Lexy to surgery straight away, the Dr's had said that she would be fine they had repaired the damage caused by the stab wounds and it would just be a case of Lexy letting her body recover and open her eyes when she was ready. It had been hours since the operation, nurses cam and checked her stats they told Tess that everyone wakes up in her own time. Tess stroked her girlfriends hair and placed another soft kiss on her forehead. Lexy's lips curled softly into a smile, Tess couldn't help but think it was ironic that Lexy was smiling and more responsive like this than when she was actually awake and spending time with Tess.

Sam was getting frustrated waiting for the Dr, but she couldn't help accept that maybe it was for the best, she'd been told Lexy was still sleeping and the longer she waited the clearer her head became and it was nice not to have to try and move because the bruising from the beating she had taken was insanely painful. Eventually the dr arrived. "how are you feeling?"

"better I think Im ready to get out of here, please. I need to go up and see Dr Price."

Looking at her chart and checking her over, "I'm concerned about your hip and leg but the concussion seems to be clearing, I guess from your eagerness to get upstairs that you wont be leaving the hospital for a while anyway so what I'm going to do is get a physio to come see you, sort you some crutches and then by the time thats all done I will discharge you and let you go up to see Lexy, ok?"

"I dont have a choice but to agree do i?"

"No not at all, theres a visitor out side for you i'll send him in."

Ryder pushed through the door laden with carrier bags, he'd brought Sam food, a change of clothes and some magazines "before you thank me and gush at how thoughtful and considerate I am you should know that it was all sorted by mrs." Behind the curtain Sam pulled the tags off the sweat pants and slipped them on. Probably the first time she'd ever worn sweat pants but she could see the appeal. Pulling the curtain back and hoping back to sit on the bed as her leg had now got so painful she could hardly walk, she chatted with Ryder constantly looking at the door to look for the physio.

"I popped upstairs before I came to see you, Lexy has a visitor. That blonde is with her not sure you could get a look in even if you were able to get up there. Now lets stop looking at the door and lets talk about the case please."

Sam retold everything that had happened up until the point she blacked out. Ryder informed her that they had finally rounded up and had everyone in a police cell. Sam could see that his knuckles were scrapped and there was bruising coming up under his eye, She knew straight away that the other guy would be worse off. They talked away the time until the physio arrived with the crutches.

Ryder escorted Sam up to Lexys room, she could see Tess sat at the bed holding on to Lexy's hand. Sam instantly felt jealous, that should be her sat there not Tess. Turning to Ryder "surely she should be awake by now if all the Dr's have said that she's ok?"

Ryder put a reassuring hand on Sam's shoulder "I'm sure she's just sleeping off the anaesthetic, anyways your face looks like hell so maybe its a good job her eyes are shut" Sam laughed and said goodbye to her partner. Resting on her crutches building up the courage to go into the room with Tess sat there as well. Panic began rising in sam's chest and she limped off to the toilets to try and advert the panic attack that was about to take over.

On his way out Ryder stopped and saw Sam limping off down the corridor, His partner needed some good luck he went over to the nurses desk and asked for a favour for the injured police officer. Any chance that you could get the blonde to leave, the DS needs a little time with Dr Price, she was with her during last night and there really important to each other.

Sam struggled her way out ready to go and face Tess, hobbling on the crutches she saw that the room was now empty looking around at the nurses station Sam was just met with a smile. Making her way in towards the sleeping dr, she set her crutches down to the side. Leaning over she stroked the side of Lexy's face then traced the outline of her lips, slowly lowering herself she leant in and kissed the the beautiful young womans lips slightly sucking the womans lower lip. Then she whispered to her "its time to wake up now Lexy"

Lexy was still dreaming, shed been aware of people checking her and someone had kept kissing her, but it didn't feel the right time to open her eyes something about the feeling of this kiss though was different and she had finally heard the voice she'd been waiting for. It was time to wake up, Sam was there was waiting for her.

Sam slipped her hand into Lexy's, fingers wrapped around hers and lexy gripped her hand tightly. Lexy's eyes opened and was blinking but she could see Sam looking over her, coughing slightly Lexy managed to let out a little "hi" Sam leant forward and kissed Lexy again, this time it was longer and slightly more forceful.

"hi" Sam was smiling relieved that the Dr was finally awake. She kissed Lexy on top of the forehead then sat down. Lexy tried to sit herself up, Sam helping her with the pillows."how are you feeling"

That cheeky look that Sam loved so much appeared across lexy's face. "Like I got stabbed, but geesh sam you like shit and since when have you been a sweat pants and tshirt girl?"

Sam laughed "thanks, and I actually quite like these, reminds me of a certain aussies style"

The Drs came in and asked sam to step out so that they could check Lexy over now she was finally awake, luckily they held the door open so she didn't have to struggle too much. Lexy found it impossible to take her eyes off the policewoman as she limped away.

Returning to the room, Sam said "I guess we should talk about what happened" as she sat down "Lexy I am so, so sorry I should never have left you, I should have protected you."

Lexy reached out for Sam but the police woman didnt respond. "Sam, sam will you look at me please." Sam lifted her head slowly, her eyes meeting the young womans.

"you got hurt because of me, if he hadn't seen the way I am round you then you wouldnt have been hurt. I put you in danger and I'm sorry." The tears began to fall.

"come here" Lexy opened her arms and Sam gingerly manoeuvred herself up onto the bed and into the warm embrace of Lexy. The young woman wiped away the tears, softly stroking and kissing the cuts and bruises that adorned her face. "sam, I sent you out to protect you. I knew that you would step in and try to be a hero, my hero so I had to make sure there was a way to make you safe. Sure the three stab wounds were a little much but I was improvising." Sam buried her head into Lexys shoulder and laughed slightly, it was just something about Lexy she was infectious and always made her laugh but at the same time there was nobody else in the world who Sam acted so vulnerable with. Sam lifted her head and went to speak but at the same time Lexy was bending to look at sam again, as they bumped into each other Lexy slipped her hand under Sam's chin, lifting it to meet her lips she kissed her so deeply and passionately letting their tongues intertwine. Softly as they pulled apart letting there foreheads rest against each other and sighing softly "Sam you dont have to feel guilty over this ok, its not going to help your panic attacks. we can just call it occupational hazard and its done, ok. I'm fine, all I will have is three little scars and because of that I get to lay on a bed with you and I'm pretty sure I remember you calling me baby"

Sam smiled, "I did call you that." Lexy kissed the woman in her arms.

Cheekily Lexy added "Plus if it hadnt happened then you wouldnt have developed a love of sweat pants or looked so amazingly hot in them"

They just lay there happily for a while, relishing in the fact that they were both there together and that essentially they were both ok, although Lexy was worried that the incident had damaged Sam's confidence and mental psyche just like what had happened with Cat.

When the nurses came into the room the pair unwillingly parted, Sat on the chair again Sam was reminded that Tess had been sat here earlier.

"So, Tess was hear earlier."

"Oh" is all that Lexy could reply, she had honestly forgotten all about the blonde. The only thing that had mattered was Sam. " I guess the hospital called her. Sam theres something I need to tell you."

Sam interupted, " i know that you and Tess are together and I pretty much vanised from your life so I cant blmae you, but Lexy if something was going to happen between us you need to be single, I mean if you wanted something to happen." The nurse was stood at the door and told them that visiting was well and truly over, sam kissed Lexy on the cheek "I love you so I'll be here when your ready" Sam felt the room begin to spin and blackness was closing across her visions, in sheer panic she looked at Lexy then fell the floor. Lexy reached up and hit the panic alarm. She treid to get out of bed to assist the nurse until the crash team arrived. The nurse was putting the police officer in the recovery position. More team members were arriving, lifting Sam onto a trolley and taking her back down to a&e, as they pushed her out through the door Lexy could see that Sam had begun to fit.

Left completely alone in her hospital room, Lexy had never felt more alone. A tear drop fell to her hand, as she lifted her hand she realised that she had began to cry, trying to wipe them away Lexy lost all of her strength, she'd been holding it together since waking up for Sam, so that she was there when she needed her but this was just one thing too much for her to try and cope with. Pulling the sheets up and around her as she done when she was little Lexy held onto them tightly breathing deeply. Wrestling with all her thoughts of worst case scenarios and the scariness that Sam wouldn't be ok.


	3. i tried to love you

Thanks for all the reviews. Sorry for all the errors in the previous chapters. hope this one is better?!

* * *

_There are many things that I would like to say to you_

_But I don't have the words in my head_

_Days are passing by and all the leaves are changing too_

_But time won't change the things unsaid_

_'Cause everything is different now_

_I'd really like to tell you how_

_How I wanted you here by my side_

_I know what I said but I lied_

_It looked like a laugh but I cried_

_Oh, I wish I could push rewind_

_Oh, stupid pride it just can't hide the holes inside my heart_

_'Cause I need you here with me_

_Oh, I wish that I could take it back, I'd go back to the start_

_And tell you all the things that I feel_

_'Cause everything is different now_

_I'd really like to tell you how_

_How I wanted you here by my side_

_I know what I said but I lied_

_It looked like a laugh but I cried_

_'Cause I wish I could push rewind_

_I saw you on the corner holding hands with someone new_

_Happy as a boy could be_

_Love was in your eyes and yeah she looked the same way too_

_It's funny that was almost me_

_Now I wanna be there by your side_

_I know what I said but I lied_

_I wanted to laugh but I cried_

_'Cause it's too late to push rewind_

The lyrics echoed through Lexy's mind, all she could think about was Sam, why couldn't she just hit rewind back to the night they spent together and have done it differently. She hadn't been able to see Sam since the night before, she knew from Declan's visit that she would be ok. When she had finally been allowed to leave her room Sam's parents were sat at the bedside and it didn't feel the right time to interrupt them, stood looking through the window she had hoped to get a small glimpse of Sam but she was sheltered from view by her parents. A small sense of jealousy rose up inside in Lexy, how nice it would have been to have parents that cared as much as Sam's did. Lexy made her way back to her room.

Tess was sat in the chair next to the bed, Lexy smiled at her but deep down knew that what she had to say would upset the young woman. Struggling to get back into bed Lexy was instantly fussed over by Tess, pulling the sheets up around her and fluffing the pillows. She leaned in to kiss her patient but Lexy pulled away.

"Tess, its ok just sit down will you." Lexy made herself comfortable " we need to talk Tess, this isnt fair on you"

Tess slightly confused replied "I don't mind looking after you, I'll do it when you get back home too, make you comfy and help you recover."

"Thanks Tess, but thats not what I mean. Your a great mate, the best even but I don't see us as anything else besides mates."

Tess looked heartbroken, "Oh but what, I mean we slept together a couple of times and kissed, I thought we were more than just friends."

Lexy reached out for Tess's hand but the blonde pulled away, "Tess I tried, I'm sorry after we slept together I tried, I wanted to care about you as more than a friend. I tried to pretend but all I can think of you as is a best mate. I'm so sorry I just cant feel more for you than that."

"So what all we are is a mistake?"

Lexy didn't think through her answer "Yes, shit no" Tess began to cry " I didn't mean it like that I just mean I got confused with how I felt for you, tried to turn it into something that wasn't there because you were the best option."

"So I was just an option, so it was try it with Tess cos she's the safest bet?"

"Im sorry im doing a rubbish job of trying to explain this, I'm in love with someone else and I have been for a long time now but a relationship with that person wouldn't have happened or been a good thing at the time. so after that drunk night with you and knowing how you felt about me I wanted to make things work with you and grow to love you and think that way about you"

Tess interrupted "So I was second best but not even that you had to force yourself to be with me. I cant believe I didn't fully realize"

"Im an arse Tess, Im so sorry I just want us to go back to being best friends" Lexy was feeling awful for doing this to Tess, but it had to be done.

"I dont think I can go backwards and forget how I feel about you. Tell me who she is, who is the person I cant compete with, the person you wish it was kissing you instead of me" the tears were coming fast and there was no sign in them stopping.

"I cant say Tess, it doesn't matter at the moment anyway." Even with breaking Tess's heart Lexy still felt she had to protect Sam and let things develop at there own pace, blurting out to Tess that she was in love with the police woman wouldn't help anyone.

Tess sat in the chair silently thinking, "It's Sam isn't it, thats why you two haven't been speaking" Lexy looked down to avoid eye contact with Tess, that was all the confirmation she needed. Tess stood up and walked out, there was nothing she could say to change the Dr's mind and she couldn't comprehend going back to being just friends.

Lexy sat alone in the room wondering what would happen now.

Tess stormed down the corridor, she felt such a fool. She had known Lexy wasn't into the relationship but she still had pushed and got carried away. She had made so many plans for them as a couple, and now she just felt the odd one out, excluded from a private joke, no actually she was once again the joke. Carrying on down the corridor she spotted Sam's name on the nurse's board, room 9, not thinking about what she was doing she found herself outside that very room. Sweeping into the room not looking at who else was in there, Tess stood at the end of Sam's bed.

Hearing the door swing open Sam had looked up hoping it would be Lexy stood in front of her, instead she was met with the sight of a sobbing Tess, mascara streaking down her face.

Tess stood there frozen, she had planned to shout at Sam, make her see how unfair it all was but the sight of Sam so battered and bruised had made all the words fall from her mind. She just stood there looking at the woman Lexy loved instead of her.

Sam's parents sat looking back and forth between their daughter and this emotional wreck who had just stormed into the room. Both feeling that they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, that this was something that should have happened in private.

Sam finally broke the silence "I'm sorry Tess." Tess turned and walked out.

Sam's parents extremely confused at what just happened, both had been under the assumption that this young woman was a girlfriend who had only just been informed of Sam's injuries, but neither expected the woman to just walk out.

Sam let out a sigh, her stomach had begun to knot together like the start of a panic attack, the heart rate monitor started to beep faster. She couldn't let it happen, she began to think of Lexy, kissing Lexy, her heart rate started to drop, but then images of Lexy laying still in her arms, her heart rate rose, panic began to rise and take over.

Her mother was panicking but she couldn't focus on her she had to get her thoughts under control. Her mother left to find a nurse; good thoughts, Lexy was fine she had seen her smile, she had kissed her, everything was ok. Her breathing was deep eventually Sam let go and the panic began to disappear. Her father squeezed her hand.

"Why don't you tell me everything that's been going on, I'm guessing that wasn't your first panic attack" Her father had always been who she could turn to, calm and understanding no matter what was going.

"They started after cat died, but I've been getting help and mostly I have them under control."

"why didn't you tell us, or at least me." Her father looked sadden by the thought that his daughter couldn't confide in him.

"I didn't want you to think that I couldn't cope, I didn't want you to worry." Her father leant in and hugged her tightly.

"I worry about you anyway, so in future just tell me." Sam nodded her head just as her mum arrived back with a nurse, they checked Sam over but both Sam and her father said she was fine and nothing to worry about. They eventually managed to get some privacy after sending her mum out on a coffee run.

"Now you can explain what that was all about with that girl?" Sam sighed, she had hoped that he wouldn't ask.

"That was Tess, she was one of Cat's friends but she's also Lexy's housemate."

"Lexy the girl you run with" Sam smiled at the mention of the Dr's name.

"that's right, Lexy's the one who was stabbed here, but shes more than just my running partner."

"you and her are together?" Her dad was smiling "She seemed nice, I'm pleased for you but why would that make that girl cry"

"I was such a mess after Cat died that Lexy suggested I took some time away to just sort myself out and decide if it really was a relationship with her that I wanted. I took a little too long and stupidly broke all contact with her, since then Tess thought that her and Lexy were in a relationship. I guess from what just happened Lexy set the record straight because I told her I want us to be together."

Her dad looked slightly confused "nothings ever straight forward with you is it?

"I know i'm sorry" Sam offered an apologetic smile.

"All me and your mum want is for you to be happy" as if on cue her mum reappeared with three coffee's. Her dad took his and said he needed some fresh air.

Leaving the room he headed straight to the nurses desk, "please can you tell me what room Dr price is in." he remembered Lexy's surname from the incident report he'd managed to get his hands on.

Knocking on the door he opened it slightly showing the coffee first "I don't know if you remember me, I'm Sam's dad."

Lexy smiled at him, so he came in and sat besides her bed "thought you might like a decent coffee" and he pulled out some sugar from his pocket. Lexy took the takeaway cup gratefully, it tasted so much better than what she'd been offered from the nurse's trolley. "from what I understand I owe you a thank you."

"You don't need to thank me for anything, I haven't done anything"

"You saved Sam from getting seriously hurt, and from what she has just told me you saved her over and over again after Cat died."

"I just did what anyone who cared for her would do, I think at times I made it harder for her." Lexy looked into the coffee trying to avoid the caring eyes that were focused on her. It felt like she was being read like an open book just like Sam did every time she looked at her.

"harder because she fell in love with you?" Lexy almost chocked on the coffee she hadn't expected to hear that. "I think we need to go for a little walk if your up to it. I know someone who would love to see you."


	4. maybe its better like this

The door pushed open, following shyly behind her dad was Lexy. No longer wearing the hospital gown but instead her cuffed jogging bottoms and a vest top, the sight was more than enough to make Sam grin and forget what she had been saying to her mother.

"Hi" Sam beamed at the young woman, relishing the sight of seeing Lexy nervous for the first time.

"I found this one in a room, thought I would drag her along here for some company." Joked Sam's dad as he pulled out the chair letting the doctor sit down.

"well I'm really glad that you went and found her." Neither parent could ignore the fact that Sam was positively beaming just from the sight of this woman, without her even needing to say a word.

"I feel like i'm missing something, do I get an introduction?" interjected Sam's mum.

With this Lexy seemed to lose the shyness and remembered who she usually was, without giving Sam a chance to say who she was Lexy, struggling to get up because of the pain in her side reached across and offered Sam's mum her hand introducing herself. "Hi, Sorry to be rude, I'm Lexy a friend of Sam's"

"Ah you were the Doctor who was hurt the same time as my daughter."

"Yup thats her, they also run together. But enough of all that depressing stuff, I think we should go out and bring these two invalids back some pizza." Planning to try and get the two some privacy, even if just for a little while Mr Murray passed his wife her coat and nodded his head towards the door. After protests that pizza was not suitable for people recovering in hospital the pair finally left.

As soon as the couple were out the door Lexy stood herself up, brushing Sam's cheek she kissed her passionately, sucking in her bottom lip to make the kiss last longer. As they pulled apart Lexy kissed Sam on the cheek. "Hi"

"There's the Lexy I was expecting when she walked through the door" Sam pulled Lexy's hand close to her and kissed it.

"Sorry, it just threw me, I walked in and just wanted to kiss you but then I saw your mum and I freaked."

"so that's why you introduced yourself as the friend?" there was a small nod in reply. "But I guess by the state that Tess was in earlier that you and her arent together anymore?"

"oh god, she came by here? I thought she had just left. What did she say, god your parents must hate me already!"

"She was typically Tess, big theatrical entrance but then she just stood there crying. I guessed why and just said I was sorry then she ran off. My dad sort of knows but my mum hasn't got a clue."

"Thats defiantly Tess, she was broken to pieces bless her, I felt awful" Sam opened her arms and hugged Lexy, adjusting so they could both fit on the bed Sam twisting so Lexy wasn't in too much pain. As they brushed past each other they kissed again, resting their foreheads against each other.

"You cant feel awful you had to do it, things just got out of control and you both saw the situation differently. It's Tess she'll calm down and forgive you, everything will be ok." As Sam finished saying this Lexy rested her head on Sam's shoulder.

After laying in silence for a while, Lexy tracing circles over Sam's hand "You scared me yesterday, I hated having to wait to know what was wrong and if you were ok."

"I guess that was pay back for you going still in my arms then." Sam kissed the young woman's hair softly.

"Can we call it even then, no more scaring each other.' Lexy squeezed Sam's hand tighter.

"that sounds good to me." Sam nuzzled Lexy's neck until the young Dr turned to face her, she then kissed passionately, her hand running up and down the inside of the young woman's thigh. Pushing her tongue into the Dr's mouth and letting herself explore the young woman's mouth. Both were moaning and Lexy's hands began to travel over Sam's body.

Breathing heavily "your parents will back soon." The kissing continued, Lexy discovered the bare skin underneath Sam's hospital gown, feeling the older woman push into her she carried on exploring, feeling the goosebumps appearing on the womans skin. Sam began kissing her neck and started to slip her hand underneath Lexy's waistband. As sam pushed her hand down she accidentally pushed against the gauze and stitches covering the stab wound.

Lexy pulled away in pain letting out a slight gasp, "I am so sorry." Sam was mortified at how she had hurt Lexy. "I just forgot, i got carried away, Im really sorry."

"Hay, its ok, don't worry maybe we should just wait until we are out of the hospital." Sam looked disappointed but agreed. Sam's arm wrapped around Lexy and they returned to a comfortable bliss, well as close as possible considering it was a single bed and they were both hooked up to IV's.

Lexy brushed her hand past Sam's hair, stopping at the bandage at the back of her head "So how come all I get is a few scars and you get a trendy new hair cut, I see your embracing the masculine side of yourself."

Sam pocked at Lexy's side "oi, its awful I know but apparently to relieve the pressure they had to operate and that meant getting the hair out the way."

"its a good job he's one of the best surgeons around and not a hairdresser. I'll buy you a hat."

"come of it it's not that bad, it'll grow out."

Neither heard the door open, and Mr and Mrs Murray walk in holding the takeaway boxes.

Lexy laughed and kissed Sam's cheek "Its a good job I don't love you just for your looks" Sam smiled, and kissed Lexy softly.

"So your not just friends then?" Sam's mother breezed through unhappy that she had been the only one not included in her daughters love life.

"isnt it enough just to see her happy. I won, pizza it is for everyone." Sam smiled up at her dad.

Lexy slowly moved herself back in to the chair so that they could make space for the pizza boxes. Everyone settled into their seats, delving into the pizza boxes and after an awkward start the conversation began to flow. Sam could see that her parents were instantly falling in love with Lexy, just like she had. The atmosphere was so calm and easy going, she couldn't fairly judge because Cat had never met her mum and dad but she knew it wouldn't be like this, her parents wouldn't have warmed to cat like they had done Lexy.

Sam looked across the room and she knew this was happiness, it wasn't how things were meant to be, but she couldnt remember having felt this happy and relaxed for a long time. Her parents were bickering in the way that they did, Sam was watching Lexy in her chair, she could see her slipping further and further down as she softly drifted off to sleep. "Dad, could you go and get a wheel chair for Lexy, I think she needs to go back to her room."

Her Dad left to find a porter, returning with the chair and insisting he would do it himself he gently woke the sleeping Dr, still half asleep he lifted her in to the chair. Sam thanked her dad, loving him for how much he cared. Sam kissed her mum and dad good-bye, that she would see them tomorrow. As the married couple returned the sleeping Lexy to her room, helped by a nurse to get her in to the hospital bed. The pair smiled as they had become instantly fond of the young woman. Her smile was infectious and the way she made their daughter act was a lovely site.

Lexy woke to a soft kiss on her cheek, sat watching her sleep was Sam. "god what time is it?" Lexy grumbled as her lips were met with a kiss.

"Sorry I couldn't sleep and the nurse said I was allowed to get up and about." She leant over and kissed Lexy again. She felt like a completely different person when the Australian was close by, and she wanted to keep her close as possible.

The Dr came into the room and announced that Lexy was able to go home, neither woman looked pleased at that announcement. It meant having to return to the house to face Tess and leaving Sam in the hospital for a few more days.

As Lexy packed up her things and headed down to have coffee with Sam and her parents she was mentally running through what she was going to say to Tess. At the same time Sam was dreading having to return to her own flat, she knew that when she opened the front door that all her demons would come and attack her again. She felt like a stranger in her own home because it was never hers, it was Cat's place nothing in it reflected her own taste or feelings, except the empty bottles.

The four of them sat around the table in the cafeteria. "I've decided that I'm going to move out of the flat, find somewhere else and start again." Sam noticed Lexy's smile. It hadn't occurred to her that she wasn't the only one dreading returning to the flat, the only one having to battle with ghosts.

Everyone agreed that it was a positive step and it needed to happen sooner rather than later.

Refusing to let her take a taxi home Lexy eased herself into Sam's dad's car, he had taken a real shine to Lexy. "I bet your parents must be glad your on the mend and back home, they must have been really worried when they heard about what happened."

He had said it with such innocence, he was part of a loving family why would it occur to him that not everyone else had the same life. "actually they don't know, I don't know where they are to tell them."

"I'm sorry love I didn't think, it just never occurred to me."

Lexy felt guilty for making him feel bad, as they pulled up outside the house she turned to face him, "Please don't be sorry, I have my grandma and she's always been great but I didn't want her to worry so I made it so she's not contacted in emergencies. Until I moved over here it was just me, but its fine like that. Honestly its all fine."

"ok well, you have us now." He took her bag from the boot and helped her to the door way, hugged her good bye and returned to the hospital, by way of a plan to clean up Sam's flat because he had a feeling that there would be a lot of evidence let from her days of not being able to cope that her mother just shouldn't see.

Lexy made her way into the house, it was quiet, undecided if this was a good sign or not, dealing with Tess should be like ripping off a plaster, quick and fast then get everything back to normal. Calling out there was no reply but silence. Dumping her bag on the bed, switching on her music, laying down she let her thoughts drift to Sam.

Tess came in and heard the undeniable sound of Lexy's music, looking through the open door way she smiled at seeing Lexy asleep on her bed, creeping in she turned the music down and pulled the blanket up over the woman she loved. Tess was gutted that her love was unrequited, but she couldn't be mad at Lexy for too long after all she had done, and probally was still doing the same thing to Ed. It was just a messy situation that wasn't helped by the fact they lived together. They would have to talk honestly about everything later but for now Tess closed the door on Lexy.

Lexy shuffled into the lounge the noise from the TV waking her up, "hay, how's it going?" probably not the best opening line to say to the woman you dumped the day before." Getting a small smile in reply she continued, " Look what I said at the hospital, I should have told you sooner and not in the way I did, Im genuinely sorry Tess."

Tess looked down "I get it, you love Sam but cos she was grieving things went wrong so you tried to move on."

"yer that's sort of it" Lexy sat down besides Tess, "Tess your amazing and I honestly wanted to fall in love with you, I just couldn't move past being best friends, I guess I have messed that part up too?"

Tess looked across, she wanted to be mad at Lexy but she just wasn't that type of person.


	5. moving out

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry_

_You don't know how lovely you are_

_I had to find you, tell you I need you_

_Tell you I set you apart_

_Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions_

_Oh let's go back to the start_

_Running in circles, coming up tails_

_Heads on a science apart_

Sam lifted the ornaments down from the shelf, she honestly had no idea what they were she put them in Cat's pile. There were boxes full of things that she had no idea what they could even be described as, packing up the flat she realized that she was just a visitor in this flat, nothing was her's and she couldn't understand how her and cat had even fitted their lives together. Most of her things were still in the boxes from when she had moved in.

_Nobody said it was easy_

_It's such a shame for us to part_

_Nobody said it was easy_

_No one ever said it would be this hard_

_Oh, take me back to the start._

She had arranged that once all her things were packed up then Ed and his parents would go through Cat's things to see if they wanted anything. She had felt awkward explaining to them that she was moving out, leaving out the reason it was so she could give her and Lexy a chance of being together without and ghosts and giving herself a chance to heal.

_I was just guessing at numbers and figures_

_Pulling the puzzles apart_

_Questions of science, science and progress_

_Don't speak as loud as my heart_

_And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me_

_Oh and I rush to the start_

_Running in circles, chasing our tails_

_Coming back as we are_

Flicking through the Cd's to find the few that belonged to her, slowly turning up the music that was playing Sam knowing that she was safely alone because her parents were taking the first lot of boxes to her new apartment began to sing along.

_Nobody said it was easy_

_Oh it's such a shame for us to part_

_Nobody said it was easy_

_No one ever said it would be so hard_

_I'm going back to the start._

"That's a great way to start our relationship with a lie?!"

Sam spun around surprised by the unmistakable voice of Lexy, "what are you doing here your meant to be resting." Sam new straight away what lie Lexy was talking about, she would do her very best to try and avoid that conversation.

"I thought I would come and see how things were going? I might not be allowed to lift things, heavy things anyway but I can make tea and boss everyone about." The couple were now stood close together and Sam slipped her hands on to the young doctors hips, she leaned in to kiss her but a finger was placed on her lips. Sam couldnt resist but to kiss the finger silencing her "no kisses until you explain your lie"

"I didn't lie, I don't have coldplay on my ipod. You never asked if I had the cd's"

"you deceived me detective." Sam kissed her before she fully finished her sentence. The kiss was deep and showed how much they had been missing each other over the past week, it was difficult to find time alone. Lexy pulled Sam close, exploring the police woman's mouth and letting her hands slip under her t-shirt and maneuvering them so they fell over the side of the sofa landing on the cushions. Sam pulled Lexy up to meet her, slipping her leg between the Australians. There hands were traveling frantically feeling the hot skin, as the heat rises between them Sam began to pull at Lexy's jeans unbuttoning them and slipping her hand down between the Dr's legs. Lexy let out a moan of lust, she had been wanting Sam to touch her there since that first night, she had needed her too and it felt better than she could imagine. Sam was getting turned on, more than she had ever felt before, she joined Lexy's moans as the younger woman began pulling her trousers down and slipping her fingers exactly where she needed them to be.

Kissing faster and more passionately as they both began to relieve the moths of built up frustration, Sam was kissing Lexys neck and working her way down to her collarbone neither were expecting the call from her father announcing they were back. Instantly both pulled away trying to button up their trousers and compose themselves before the living room door was opened. Sam ran her fingers threw her hair smoothing it down just as her mother walked through the door.

Her mother was oblivious to what she had just walked in on, already recounting what ordeals they had been through to get to sam's new apartment. Sam looked at Lexy who was still slightly flustered but trying hard to suppress laughter at the near miss. As sam's mum walked out the room calling to her husband, Lexy planted one last kiss sucking Sam's bottom lip into her mouth and biting it softly but seductively. "we will continue this later." Sam struggled to concentrate on what her parents were saying to her, her mind stuck on the promise of what would happen later.

Lexy left Sam on the sofa and went to make coffee for everyone, comfortably chatting away and acting like nothing had happened. Sam went to grab the last few boxes to give herself time to calm down.

Loading the last of Sam's boxes into the car she walked back into the flat, nothing looked any different except for a few empty spaces on the shelves. She really didn't own anything at all, the furniture was staying after an agreement with the landlord and the now it was just a case of waiting for Ed and his parents. As she looked out at the flat, times she had spent with Cat flashing before her eyes, without the hindsight of knowing that cat was still seeing Frankie the memories would have been good but now they were just full of pain and doubt. As the last memory, the birthday breakfast appeared into her mind (what a fool she had been to do that) a hand slipped into hers, fingers interlocking she shook the memory from her mind and turned to look at the woman who had saved her. "Thankyou" Sam almost whispered it and kissed the young womans cheek. Lexy squeezed Sam's hand tighter and then moved herself closer, slipping under the taller woman's arms and wrapping her arms tightly around her. Nothing needed to be said between them, they both understood what Sam had said, Sam rested her head on top of Lexy's.

There was a knock at the door and Ed called through the letter box disrupting the perfect bliss the pair had been experiencing. reluctantly pulling apart Sam went to open the door and Lexy pulled on her jacket. As Cat's parents came in Lexy quickly left before anything but a raised eyebrow from Ed could be said. Awkwardly Sam was hugged by the incoming visitors, instantly everything had gone from relaxed to feeling uncomfortable.

"All my stuff is gone so take whatever you want, I'll give you some space." Sam grabbed a jacket then stepped out of the flat, running slightly she caught up with Lexy and put a hand on the womans shoulder. Lexy jumped, spun round and tried to pull herself away, panic contorted her face. It took Sam's soothing voice and her pulling the woman into an embrace for the tension to leave Lexy's body. "I'm sorry, I didn't think. I'm sorry."

The pair pulled apart "you just startled me that's all, I didn't think it could be you. I'm sorry"

Sam took both of Lexy's hands in hers "I should have thought after everything that happened doing something like that wouldn't be a good idea. I'm a idiot." Sam pulled her back into another hug. "I'm sorry"

Lexy kissed Sam and made sure she knew what just happened was ok.

"you left before I got a chance to give this to you." Sam slipped a small box out of her back pocket. She pushed it in to Lexy's hands "I want you in my life and I want you there as much as possible. So here's a key to my new place and you can be there whenever you want. Even if you just want to crash and sleep after a night shift, I want you to just let yourself in." Lexy kissed Sam, pulled the woman closely into her and stroked her cheek with her thumb.

"you have to give me your address before you can give me your key." The pair kissed again.

"I already text you the address, I best get back inside, let me know when your home safe and I'll see you later or tomorrow, ok?" Sam kissed Lexy's forehead as the younger woman left their warm embrace.

As Sam walked back into the flat, Ed pulled her to one side. "your joking me right? you and lexy? All this time we've been feeling sorry for you, worrying about you because of how you were dealing with Cat's death and this whole time you moved on with Lexy"

Sam pushed his hand off of her "you really want to do this now, with your parents next door? Cat was cheating on me the whole time with Frankie and I tried not to feel anything for Lexy but I couldn't help it. I love her and things have only just started happening so don't get all righteous on me. I never cheated, I haven't betrayed anyones memories or done anything wrong and you have no idea what I have been through because of your precious sister."

Ed stood in front of her seething at the way his sister had just been spoken about, his parents were now stood in the door way watching. "Cat loved you, so you cant talk about her like that"

Sam stormed past him and grabbed her last remaining bag from the bedroom. "Cat loved Frankie, she was just too uptight and scared of living to be with her properly, she chose the safe option, she didn't love me at all. You know what, I don't have anything left here so Im leaving take what you want and then put the rest of the crap in the bin. You can put the keys through the letter box when your done." Sam stormed out and slammed the door behind her. It made her feel instantly better, all this time she had been protecting Cat's name and her image but it was finally good to let out what she really was, a cheat, a self centered cheat.

Lexy sat in the middle of flat pack furniture she had tried to construct, each box she had opened she'd got so far into assembling it and then was stumped by either a lack of tools or it not going together properly. She knew the plan was for Sam to come and stay here for the night on the mattress, then they were all going to build and move her in properly the next day. Lexy figured she would get a head start on it, she had instantly fell in love with the new apartment, on the outskirts of the city but closer to the hospital than her place, she decided this was a bit more on purpose than an accident seeing as the police station was much further away.

Giving up and leaving the furniture as it was, she set out to unpack the boxes of kitchen stuff and searched the bags of shopping for the bed sheets to make up the mattress. Then deciding make place look a little more romantic than just stark exposed brick she opened the bag of tea-lights and placed them in cups all over the apartment. All finished Lexy got herself changed and then rested on the makeshift bed with a bottle of Champaign.

Sam had been sat in the park for ages, just needing to calm down and have some space to get her thoughts in check. Finally getting everything out if her system, she began the walk to her new place. She went to call Lexy on the way there but her phone died. She decided that as soon as she found the charger she would call and get the woman she loved to come over, or the very least tell her over the phone that she loved her.

Sam closed the elevator door, as soon as she let herself in to the building by way of the steal front door she felt safe and at home. This was her type of place, she had been instantly drawn to the building. With the added bonus that it was in a quiet location and close to the hospital, meaning that Lexy would be there a lot and that was just what she needed.

Sam went to put her key in the lock but noticed a soft glow coming from underneath the door. She softly pushed the door, instantly her instincts were taking over and she was expecting someone to be burgling her. As the door opened wider Sam's jaw dropped as saw Lexy standing and walking over to her wearing just; knee high leather boots, an oversized white t-shirt and some dark sexy lingerie with her hair falling loosely over her shoulders. Sam dropped her bag, gathered Lexy up in her arms kissing her passionately and carrying her over to the kitchen work top, letting their lips part only long enough for Sam to say; "I love you more than anyone I have ever loved."

Lexy pulled away and looked into Sam's eyes "I haven't loved anyone but you." Then she pulled the woman close kissing her neck. Sam lifted Lexy off the counter top, the young woman wrapped her legs around her and then was carried over to the mattress.


	6. stay

All along it was a fever

A cold sweat hot-headed believer

I threw my hands in the air I said show me something

He said, if you dare come a little closer

Round and around and around and around we go

Ohhh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know

Sam wrapped her arm tightly around the beautiful women's naked form, Lexy reacted and pulled Sam's other arm closer to her. Goosebumps covered the woman's arms and Sam kissed over them softly. She half wanted to wake her but decided she was enjoying watching the sight too much. Sam got herself as close as she could, embracing in the warmth she felt but also the calm that she felt inside, letting herself drift back to sleep.

Not really sure how to feel about it

Something in the way you move

Makes me feel like I can't live without you

It takes me all the way

I want you to stay

It's not much of a life you're living

It's not just something you take, it's given

Round and around and around and around we go

Ohhh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know

Lexy woke, rolling over she kissed Sam and was greeted with a smile. Enjoying for the first time being in bed, knowing they were alone, that there were no awkward conversations that had to happen. It was just them and it was as near to perfect as things could be.

Not really sure how to feel about it

Something in the way you move

Makes me feel like I can't live without you

It takes me all the way

I want you to stay

Sam sat up, instantly missing the connection with Lexy being in her arms. Lexy rolled over and looked up at Sam, slight annoyance on her face at the fact Sam had pulled away. But she was soon smiling as Sam kissed her, keeping the connection between their lips for as long as possible. "I can feel you smiling"

Lexy replied, "I cant help it, its just an affect you have on me." Sam kissed her again and trailed kisses down her neck at the same time pulling the quilt over the pair of them. Sam kissed her way down the young woman's body, letting her hands slip softly over the smooth skin.

Ohhh the reason I hold on

Ohhh cause I need this hole gone

Funny you're the broken one but i'm the only one who needed saving

Cause when you never see the lights it's hard to know which one of us is caving

As Sam got to the point were Lexy's fresh scars distorted the softness of the skin, Sam paused as the memories of that night came back to her. She rested her head on the young woman's stomach, placing one last kiss. Lexy guessing the reason for the stoppage began to softly stroke Sam's hair.

"The scars will fade in time Sam" There was no reply except for a soft kiss over the top of the largest scar. Lexy knew what she had said had two meaning's, the physical and the mental.

"I need you here in the present Sam, you can't let what has happened get to you. I need you." At this Sam pushed herself up to look into Lexy's eyes, before giving her chance to speak Lexy kissed her trying to get Sam to understand.

As the kiss ended Sam replied "I'm sorry, I just don't want you to be hurt because of me."

Not really sure how to feel about it

Something in the way you move

Makes me feel like I can't live without you

It takes me all the way

"I've been hurt a lot in my life, and none of that has been done by you. You don't know how much being with you, getting you to open up has helped me. So I need you, and I need us because I love you."

Sam pulled Lexy as close to her as she could get, enjoying the feeling of Lexy resting against her chest and the way that her hair smelt.

I want you to stay, stay

"I'm not going anywhere Lex, but you need to talk to me at some point about what you've been through. You cant just say things like that and then not talk to me. But only when you feel ready. I wont push you."

Lexy kissed Sam's cheek and left the bed, "We should shower before your parents arrive."

As the door opened and Sam's parents came in carrying breakfast and coffee's, Lexy just couldn't believe how each time she saw the family unit she was just surprised at the stark contrast between what she had grown up with and what Sam had grown up with. It worried her at how she was going to have to explain what she had gone through, and if it was possible for Sam to even understand.

Sipping her coffee, Sam watched as the woman she loved seemed to be a million miles away. Even her father's comical reaction to Lexy's attempted furniture building from the night before wasn't enough to shake her from her thoughts. Sam walked up and slipped in the gap between Lexy and the kitchen work top, neither said anything but Lexy appreciated the comfort and relaxed in to Sam's body. It was only when Sam finally spoke did Lexy snap back to reality.

"No mum, I figured I'd wait until I painted the walls and properly decorated."

"Well that's a silly decision, it's ideal to do it now without all your things cluttering up the place." a little disappointed at her daughters dismissing tone.

"I just want to wait, there's no rush." Then Sam added in a whisper, so that only Lexy could hear. "maybe if you want to move in eventually, then we can decorate together."

Lexy turned to look at her "So you want me to move in? Eventually?"

"Yes I want my girlfriend to live with me, eventually." Sam was smiling.

"Girlfriend now am i?" Lexy kissed Sam a little more passionately than she should of, forgetting that Sam's parents were in the same room as them. The pair were interrupted by a cough from Sam's mother as their hands began exploring each other once again.


End file.
